In the span of a year I’ve gone from single mother working a night job (Not THAT kind of night job. This isn’t a movie, perv.) to married woman and stay at home pregnant mama. Talk about your life changes, am’I’right? If I was religious, I’d say I feel blessed. But I’m not. So let’s just go with REALLY FREAKING LUCKY.
My husband came into my life very suddenly and dramatically and whirl-wind romancey (totally a word, folks). He swept me off my feet, took my 3yr old daughter into his heart instantly and proposed within months of our first date. Okay. Remember when I said this wasn’t a movie? I might have been lying. I’ll let you know when I figure that out…
About the whole husband thing. “And this is my husband…” is something that I say now. Because I’m married. And have a husband. Funny how that works. I’m also pregnant. You’d know that if you read the first paragraph but why would you. There’s never anything juicy in there. Just all of the important background information that lays down the roots for the entire story. AHA. I caught you. You were nodding along, thinking I was on your team and then WHABAM. Fooled you. I’ll give you a second to go back and read the first paragraph now, if you’d like.
Back to what I was saying. I am currently a human house. As in, there is a human living inside of me. Which makes me their house. And the weirdest part is that this one has a penis. So that kind of means that I have a penis. Kind of. If your brain works like mine. Which I’m sure it doesn’t. Because nothing would ever get accomplished if all brains worked like mine. Let’s face it. I’m on the fourth paragraph of this thing and have only successfully made you understand that I’m married and pregnant. Wait. You did get that part right?
There is a point hidden inside here somewhere and it is that my life is different now. And may or may not be a movie. Still working on that theory. So that’s my explanation for why I’ve gone all delete crazy on this blog to the point that this will be the only entry that remains. Because I don’t want to read the sad, confused, sarcastic, bitter thoughts that previously ruled this part of the Internet. This kingdom is getting a makeover since Prince Charming came prancing in and turned the Queen into a slightly less pessimistic version of herself who isn’t constantly on the verge of a complete emotional breakdown. (My husband is going to love that I described his entrance into my life as prancing. What straight man doesn’t love a good prance. So manly and heroic.)
There it is folks. Whether you’re old readers, new readers, friends who are reading this because of that annoying part in your brain that tells you to support and show interest in the people you care about or a doctor who’s trying to determine when exactly I began my descent into madness…this is now the blog of a married, stay at home mama. Who is really bad at getting to the point, finishing an entire can of soda and not saying the first thing that pops into her head.
I can’t believe you just read this whole thing. What is wrong with you.