Went to the LCBO with my two kids today, because I’m classy. The judging looks were priceless. HAHAHAOKAY. Have I mentioned that when I’m uncomfortable or upset…I make jokes to mask my true feelings?
Here’s the full story. My husband is out tonight. After I put the kids to bed, I was hoping to enjoy a cold beer and get some writing done. Looked in the fridge. Oh, no beer. Hmmm. Well, I guess I’ll have to go buy some. Now, since I’m a stay at home mom I didn’t have the option of “picking some up on the way home”. And since my husband wasn’t going to be coming back to the house before going out, I couldn’t just ask him as I usually would. It appeared my only option was no beer or tote the kiddos down with me. I didn’t think twice. I wanted to have a beer while I relaxed. I’m twenty-freaking-five years old. So I packed up my munchkins and I headed on down.
The second I walked in those sliding glass doors, and I mean THE SECOND, I instantly regretted my choice. Even though everyone there was also purchasing alcoholic beverages, I was instantly the target of so many disapproving glances it looked like a gawdamn lemon tasting party. I grabbed two tall cans, and my daughter who loves to help insisted on carrying them. Yeah, thanks, kid. Totally helping with the judge-party. These patrons definitely think I’m buying beers for a 4yr old or that I’m an alcoholic about to slam back some tallboys and abandon my children. The cashier (who I’m familiar with – okay, this is not helping the alcoholic theory – shit) made some jokes about asking my daughter for her ID, I gave an incredibly witty response regarding life in the 1950s. And then I got the hell out of there before the woman behind me needed facial reconstruction surgery due to all of her grimacing.
If that had been my husband in there solo with the midget spawns, I bet he could have gotten free samples and high fives and maybe a phone number or two. There are so many double standards applied to mothers and fathers and this one is some kind of bullhonky. I am a better mom because I have a beer, because I relax, because I still do the things that I’ve always enjoyed that keep me sane. Without these moments of selfish (responsible) bliss, I would be selling my children for a one-way plane ticket to an abandoned tropical island.
The next time you see a frazzled looking mother darting down the aisles of your local liquor store, don’t jump to conclusions or give her the “YOU’RE A BAD MOTHER” sneer. She’s a human being, not a super hero or Jesus. Although if she were, she could just turn water to wine and life would be fantastic.